Herbal Remedies

Most of my life I have been depressed. I've never been properly diagnosed or medicated because I always felt that would be admitting defeat. It seemed like if I can handle it on my own, no matter how low I get, then I'd be doing alright.

For the last year or so I've been so low that anything can bring me to tears or rage in seconds. ANYTHING. Those commercials with sad shelter dogs send me spiraling into tears. Sometimes I get so angry that my vision will momentarily black out and I have to grab hold of something to stabilize. I can usually calm myself down by singing Three Little Birds but there are instances when it doesn't work. When I realize the song isn't helping I try to get away from whatever situation I'm in. I've been known to hit people.

I obviously don't enjoy these extreme emotions and I've been doing well to suppress them. Hiding out in my apartment all the time has made me anxious and paranoid. The alternative is walking to the beach where I risk street harassment that will send me into a rage. I don't know what is worse the rage or the anxiety.

I recognize that I can't handle this on my own anymore so I started looking into herbal remedies. I decided that I should probably try to treat the anxiety first. I looked into L-Theanine. Apparently it's found in teas and has psychoactive properties. It can reduce mental and physical stress and boost your mood. It can be found in pill form and I wanted to give it a try.

I also looked into remedies for depression and came up with St. John's Wort. It is supposed to have similar effects as standard antidepressants with fewer side effects. These herbal remedies sound like miracles if they actually work. Sent Jason to the store with the information and Target didn't have the L-Theanine. Boo. That's the one I was really hoping would work. He got the St. John's Wort.

I have been taking it for three days and so far there has been no change in my emotions. I still feel depressed but I'm hopeful. It probably just needs time to get into my system and I'm looking forward to positive results. If anyone has any experience with herbal remedies I would love to hear your opinions. I'll post a follow up blog on my experiences after awhile on the herbs. Wish me luck!

Are You From the South? Yeah. The Deep South!

Movie reference anyone? If you don't recognize those lines, they're from Little Nicky in reference to him being the son of Satan and being from hell.

Anyway...I think of that every time I see people wearing cardigans, skinny jeans, beanie hats, and scarves in South Mississippi. Keep in mind, if you're not from here, Summer may not officially start until June but down here it's likely to be 80° in March or April. Where in the world are you from that you are cold in 95° weather? Hell? It must be hell. I'm guessing hell.

I'm a big fan of Pinterest. Occasionally I veer off of the geek pins and look at the mostly monstrosities that are women's fashion. I see lots of looks involving scarves, boots, and cardigans marked "cute Summer outfit". What the what? Do you live in Antarctica? If I wore an outfit like those I'd be likely to get a heat stroke!

I'm a lover of scarves. I knit them for myself, friends, family, and I sell them in my Etsy around Autumn. I do NOT wear scarves in July. That is bananas. I do however wear big, fun beaded necklaces. Those are an awesome alternative to the color and lengths of a scarf without making you sweat puddles.

Speaking of puddles...Oceans. Happy World Ocean Day everyone! Our beautiful Earth is mostly oceans and we should definitely celebrate and value them. 

Bubble Tea Tutorial

Yay for National Fresh Fruits and Veggies Month! I started my day with some gorgeous strawberries. :)

Last time we went to an Asian market, Jason picked up some tapioca pearls for bubble tea. It's been a couple weeks and I was inspired to make some today. One of my best friends bought me a t-shirt from a local cafe yeeeeears ago and I loved it...until it got dingy. I breathed some life back into it when I did the purple dye. It happens to say "got bubble tea?" on it and it's the shirt I'm wearing today.

(I promise I'm not angry in the photo. It's just kinda hard to get a good one of my shirt without looking too boobsy!)

These are the tapioca pearls we got. They're the small ones to fit in a regular sized straw. I don't know if you can tell from the photo, but there are no directions on how to cook them! I googled up some directions and I've adapted them to fit my taste.

I used 1/4 cup of bubbles and 1 1/2 cup water. Bring the water to a boil and add the bubbles. Gently stir them until they float to the top. Turn the heat down to medium and let them cook 15 minutes uncovered. 

Now it's time to let them soak! Take the pot off the heat and pop the lid on it. It's kinda like making beans! Leave the bubbles covered for another 15 minutes. Once the time's up, the liquid is still pretty warm. Warm enough to add about 1/4 sugar right to the mix. I stirred it all together and it was kinda thick.

It was already 10pm so I didn't want to bust out my blender and make it smoothie style like the bubble tea cafe does so I just made mine iced. I made a cup of green tea, sweetened the way I like. Added the bubbles and their nice syrup plus a few ice cubes. I used vanilla soy milk. Took a sip and it was missing something. I splashed some raspberry juice in and now it was awesome! So awesome, in fact, that I drank it waaaay too fast and gave myself a belly ache. Check out my sweet, reusable straw. No waste going on here. 

I didn't use all my bubbles in this drink so I think I'll make a blended smoothie style bubble tea tomorrow. ^_^ I hope my readers get inspired to make their own bubble tea now. OH YEAH! I forgot to mention that the entire pack of bubbles only cost 79¢! Now that's inspiring! 

Minor Memory Malfunction

Recently I looked up at the clock and saw that I seemed to have been just sitting in the same spot for 3 hours. I didn't remember doing anything at all but I felt exhausted and thirsty. This seems to be happening to me a bunch lately. I can't remember if I've done anything or even stood up but I feel tired.

I just attributed it to my increasing laziness and try to make myself focus more. By laziness I don't mean messy, I mean scattered. I wash dishes and sweep like I was programmed to, but I seem to forget to eat or do anything that I made a goal to do.

I get enough vitamins, iron, and sunshine so I shouldn't be lacking anything. I just don't do what I set out to do. It's weird and bothering me. I've intended on finishing and hanging a painting for several weeks now but it's still unfinished. I have no excuse and I'm actually about to make myself finish it.

This is all so strange because I have a magnificent memory. I literally remember being 4 years old or what I wore on certain days that happened 6 years ago. How come I can't remember what I was doing that caused me to ignore my easy-peasy TO DO List?

What is causing these memory lapses? Am I just sitting still for hours or am I doing things around my apartment and not remembering? Does anybody else experience something like this? I'd love to hear from you and how you are handling it.

PS. You should visit my Etsy.

Lost Dog, Inquire Within

I always feel sad the morning Jason leaves for the work week. It means I'll be alone for a week. Being by myself for that long makes my anxiety crazy. I feel paranoid and awkward. This morning, less than a minute after I locked the door behind him, Jason was knocking on the door. One of our neighbors picked up a dog on the street. Jason thought having a fully grown, strange dog in the apartment with me would make me feel better.

They dropped the dog with me and left. He tracked pokey stickers on the brand new rug and jumped on the couch. He smells bad. He spilled water all over the kitchen and he kept jumping to reach the muffin crumbs Jason left on the stove.

I called the vet number on his rabies tag. Gave them the ID number and the lady on the phone knows the dog. The owner gave the dog away and didn't leave the new information with the vet. She said she'd call the old owner and find the information out for me. Right after I got off the phone with her my neighbor knocked on the door saying he found the owner. He took the dog.

I'm starting to feel a lot better when about 20 minutes later someone knocks on my door. The neighbor brought the dog back because the owner is out of town or something. I was eating breakfast and the dog is jumping up like he wanted to eat my grits. I hate it when dogs do that.

I walk out of the room for a minute and come back to the dog sitting in the spot I was in. Now he's snoring really loud. I'm crying because I feel guilty for not wanting him. I don't know what to do. Jason called. I don't know why but for some reason he seems mad that I'm upset. This wasn't thought through.

I can't handle taking this dog out several times a day. I don't like animals on the furniture. I don't like fur on my clothes. I hate the floor being dirty. If we had a house instead of an apartment I wouldn't feel so anxious. I could let the dog run in the back yard and not worry about him getting hit by a car. Our apartment is too small and we haven't paid a pet deposit. I'm paranoid that management is going to be knocking on my door any minute now.

I don't know what to do. I feel guilty for not wanting this dog. I can't just open my door and shoo him away. I want him to be with his people. Why would someone just let him run off and not care? Is it horrible of me to not want him? I can't handle this.

Wishy Washy Weather

Ugh! I don't know about you guys but I sure hate when the weather can't make up it's mind. Hot enough for shorts then cold enough for a jacket in the same day? Combined with the super pollen of Spring time it's enough to give me the sniffles. I haven't had a cold in nearly 3 years so if this weather manages to penetrate my vegan-ed up immune system then I'm positively afraid of these super germs.

I guess it doesn't help that Jason brought home a grody cold from work. He'll stay sick for a long time too. That man has not eaten a single bowl of soup in all the years I've known him either. He's had a spoonful of the gumbo I make and he ate up a few pots of lentil stew I've made specifically for him during a cold...but no tomato soup. No chickpea bisque. No corn chowder. No delicious daal. NOTHING.

I hope you are all staying healthy. As for me, I'm dreaming of a thick, garlicky potato soup. *sighs* Here's to hoping I won't need it! ;)

Who Used a Fork in the Butter?

"Who used a fork in the butter?" I heard my mom say this several times when I was growing up. Personally I don't care what utensil is used in the butter as long as there are no crumbs in it. In those instances when she was asking, I knew it wasn't me because I had my own separate tub of vegan butter. I have been seen using a fork to scoop butter and she has been known to spy it and scold me. I didn't understand why using a fork in my personal butter bothered her so much back then but now I think I do.

It was just one of those things that bother you for no reason and you can't help but hate it. I personally hate the words "pet-peeve" and "craving". Don't know why, I just do. Now that I'm grown and have my own place I'm noticing more and more things that bother me the way my mom got bothered. I don't know if it's just something that comes with age or if I'm from a long line of crazy people who hate ridiculous things for no good reason.

I'm thinking of the things that bother me and I'm drawing a blank. I feel like most of the stuff on it is because of how my mom raised me. I'm getting some ideas...

• My mom is left-handed so I grew up with everything on the left side for her convenience. Because of that, I wash dishes in the left side of my sink and the dish drainer is in the right. The soap is on the left also. My coffee pot is on the left side of my counter and I place my cups on the coffee table to the left of where I sit. I do all these things despite the fact that I am and always have been right-handed. I can't stop. I tried to do dishes in the right side of the sink but it's just wrong!
• I have a strong need for everything to be symmetrical. Right now I'm looking at a painting that is hanging sideways in my living room. My toes are curling with anxiety as I keep glancing at it.
• I really hate when people repeat themselves more than once. Ex. It's happening over and over AND OVER again. 2 is ok. 3 is awful!

I'm drawing a blank on more. What's your opinion? Am I crazy or are a few irrational annoyances ok?

*Note: This post was inspired by a chunk of butter missing randomly from the tub when I was dressing my biscuit this morning. I almost got upset but started laughing to myself about how much it would bother my mom but not me.